¨ Dude I have to save my brown goldfish, you don’t know how important that thing is to me.¨ said Adam. ¨ Well where is it?¨ said Ryan. ¨ I don´t know, someone must have stole it.¨ “ Well go look in the garage¨ As Adam was climbing up the ladder in the garage he saw a box with the bowl he bought for his fish. Adam was sad that his goldfish wasn´t up there, until he slowly flew back. Adam screamed ¨ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!¨ Ryan rushed out into the garage to see if Adam was ok.
Saliman's Class Blog 17-18
Thoughts From The Fab Five
Hi Peyton,
This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a list of words, of seemingly unrelated nature. Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a hunt for a lost goldfish, and link the words in a seamless fashion which feels natural to the piece. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a piece about goldfish, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This topic of goldfish is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as most people have owned one at some points in their lives. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I have owned goldfish, many of the timespan of my life. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as how ‘important’ it is to the character, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how the goldfish is brown in colour demonstrates great imagination and contrasts the setting. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The piece continues to develop, as you climb up the ladder. With the piece developing, you continue searching for this fish. When you go to the attic to search, the character screams as he flies back, perhaps falling to the floor, and you leave the piece on this effective cliff hanger, leaving the reader to wonder what has happened. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the exclamation and quotation marks. Keep up the good work!